Me & My Charms
by blacksouledbutterfly
Summary: I wanted things to work out you know that right? I wanted things to be great; to have the best life in the world, but life didn't seem to want to know what I wanted. It just wanted me to be…alone. SongFic. Rating to be safe. DHr Please RR


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the song. The song, "Me & My Charms" belongs to Kristin Hersh and her record company, her manager…etc.  
  
I apologize if this sucks. I have never been good at song fics but it is worth a try, right?

_

* * *

You can come back when you want to  
just know that I'll be here  
I haven't left this step  
and when the lights go out  
I pick the angel up  
I only have two hands... _

_Is she here? Is she here right now?  
drive her off; don't bother to call  
I'm checking out today...

* * *

_  
I wanted things to work out you know that right? I wanted things to be great; to have the best life in the world, but life didn't seem to want to know what I wanted. It just wanted me to be…alone.   
  
You told me once you would come back to me when I cried. No matter where you were and who you were with you would hear me cry and come running to wipe away my tears, but here I sit, tears running down my cheeks and you aren't here.  
  
I remember that day you left? Do you? I was sitting on the bottom step, watching you bustle around the house, papers in your hand. You would cast me glances, eyes pleading, but I didn't hear your please and didn't meet your eyes. Instead I pet Crookshanks as he wrapped his way around my leg. He was getting old and needed my attention more than ever and I know you suffered for it, but I needed to be there for him until he died.  
  
You left the room then, to send an owl out.   
  
And when you left you kissed me soundly, gave me one last smile and walked out the door, promising to be back soon, but soon passed, and a while flew by and never set it.   
  
Every day I would sit by the door, by the step I was on the last time I saw you, waiting for you to walk through that door and smile at me and tell me you loved me, but I couldn't find you.

* * *

_Me and my charms  
Me and my charms  
When I kiss the angel I have a taste of you  
When I take the angel I have a piece of you  
I have a piece  
I have a piece  
I have a piece  
I have a piece_

* * *

At Ginny's wedding I was alone. Well, not alone. I had Ron's family. I had Harry and Lavender. Padma and Parvati. But I felt alone.  
  
Fred convinced me to dance with him, pouting at me, angel eyes. I knew better though. There was no angel in him. Pure devil.  
  
He leaned close to my ear on the dance floor. "What's wrong?"  
  
I shook my head. I was short compared to him, so I couldn't look at his face with out getting a crick in my neck. "Nothing's wrong," I told him.  
  
He laughed quietly then. "I know you too well. Something is wrong."  
  
"I'm lonely, that's all," I told him.  
  
"Still waiting?"  
  
"I'll wait forever."  
  
"Forever is an awfully long time to be alone."  
  
"I'm not alone. I carry a piece of him where ever I go."  
  
"Forever is still a long time."  
  
"Forever is what I have."  
  
"Maybe, but do you really want to spend forever with a ghost? With a memory?"  
  
"My memories are all I have. They are all I have to cling on to. The smells, the tastes, the sounds, they're all I have."  
  
He pulled back to look at my face. "Tastes?" He had one eyebrow raised.  
  
I smacked his arm slightly. "You know very well what I mean Fred Weasley. He is all I have. He is all I will ever have and all I want."  
  
"It's been months."  
  
"I know."  
  
"And have you heard from him?"  
  
"…….No."  
  
"Exactly. What if he doesn't come back? Are you going to spend the rest of your life chasing the ghost of a man? A memory of something that never was?" He sighed. "I love you like a little sister. Another Ginny, if you will. I don't want to see you hurt."  
  
"It would hurt to forget him."  
  
"Moving on is never easy."  
  
"When did you get so smart?"  
  
He gave me a bashful look. "Promise not to tell anyone, alright? It would spoil my reputation."  
  
"Your secret is safe with me."

* * *

_You can come back  
I haven't left you yet  
and when the lights go out  
I pick the angel up  
I only have two left feet _

_All I have in my hands  
All I have in my hands  
Me and my charms  
Me and my charms  
When I kiss the angel I have a taste of   
me and my charms  
me and my charms down on the ground  
You can't leave me now  
You can't leave me now  
I haven't left you yet _

_

* * *

_  
So I took Fred's advice. Or at least I tried. I tried to move on, to forget your smile, your voice, your kisses. I tried to forget the sound of you breathing. The way you would look in the morning.   
  
I tried to forget about you, but everything reminded me of you. You haunted my memories. Haunted me very soul and I couldn't get you to leave me alone.  
  
"I am a part of you," you once told me. "I am inside of you. In your mind. Your body. Your very soul. Where you go I go."  
  
"The Greeks believed that at one time there was no men or women, but there was one body with two heads. They believed that the people angered the gods and as a punishment people were split. Their very soul was split in two. The legend goes that people would spend the rest of their lives searching for the other half of their soul and when they found them the would never leave them." You smiled at me when you told me that. "You hold the other half of my soul. You are the only one that makes me smile. The only one who can reach me. Without you I'm not complete."  
  
I remember thinking that it was unreal that you could be so deep. So sweet. You were never like that. It was like something woke up inside of you. Something that was sleeping so deeply that no one could reach it and I was glad. I wanted to be near you. To laugh with you and smile with you and that smile….oh, that smile was enough to melt my heart when it would turn to ice. It would turn my glass words to smooth sand. The smile had a way of melting me into a puddle on the floor and I never understood it.  
  
I never understood how you of all people could reach to me like that. I never knew that you were the one I would want to spend my life with. That you would be the one person I would wake up for.   
  
But I wished you weren't I wish I could forget you and hate you and stop loving you because every smile, every laugh, every kiss, when it pushed its way to the front of my brain would make tears fall.  
  
Remember when you told me that I should never have to cry? That you never wanted to be the one to make me cry and that when you did you wanted to die. That seeing me hurting made you want to die. Do you remember that?

* * *

_All I have in my hands  
Me and my charms  
Me and my charms  
When I kiss the angel I have a taste of you  
When I take the angel I have a piece of you_ __

* * *

The doorbell rang and I looked out at the rain. It rang again, a persistently annoying sound repeating itself in the quiet of the halls.  
  
I made myself walk down the hall and remember when you would be there and you would answer the door. I remember how you were always there for me.  
  
And when I answered the door I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't blink. I couldn't do anything.  
  
You stood in the rain, your bag dropped on the porch. Your hair was matted to your head, water dripped down your nose. You smiled then, almost sadly. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"I came back to you. I promised I would."  
  
"That was six months ago," I say. "I haven't heard from you in six months."   
"I couldn't contact you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
You reach out to me, strong fingers touching my face. It was a light touch. Feather light. "I tried. I wrote you owls. I wrote to you everyday, but I didn't want you in danger."  
  
"Why would I be in danger?"  
  
"I lied to you."  
  
"Lied? About what?"  
  
The rain dripped down your face. "I was a spy. I was spying on….Voldermort. I was spying on him and if I wrote to you it would have blown my cover. It would have put you in danger. I couldn't do that."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" I felt betrayed. Why wouldn't you tell me about something like that? Didn't you trust me to keep a secret? Hadn't I earned at least that after all we went through? All the long nights, the warm embraces, the passionate kissed, the intoxicating and the justifying. Didn't it count for anything? Anything at all?  
  
You smiled. "Because you were so stubborn you would want to help. It would have gotten you killed. And if you died…that would have killed me."  
  
I leaned into your fingers, pressing my cheek against the pads of your fingers. How I missed your touch. I wouldn't admit that to you though. It would give you too much satisfaction.  
  
"I wrote though," you said. "I wrote letters everyday. I have them in my bag. I wanted to send them. I couldn't risk it though. I was too afraid to risk your life."  
  
You leaned in then, the top half of your body in the house now. Water dripped off of your face and onto mine as you leaned over me. "I would have rather died."  
  
And your lips descended on mine. Soft and sweet and I wanted that kiss to last forever, but it didn't want as you pulled back I grabbed on to you. I didn't care that you were soaking wet. I wanted to be near you. I wanted to feel the firmness of your back against my palms. I wanted to press my head to your chest and hear you heartbeat. I wanted to feel your breath on my ear. I wanted to know that you were real and not something I dreamed up in a moment of loneliness, but I knew you were real. I knew you were real and alive and standing there, holding me as I held you. "Oh, Gods, I missed you. Gods, I missed you Draco."  
  
You sighed into my hair, kissing the top of my head. "I missed you too, Hermione. More than you'll ever know."

* * *

_I have a piece  
I have a piece  
I have a piece_

* * *

So, good? Bad? Let me know? All feedback is welcome.


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